I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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