i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
