Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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