we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I will be naked everywhere
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize