I wanna bring you to show and tell
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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