He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
