i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
