Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My dick has a subreddit
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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