Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
third nipple confirmed
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
