I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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