No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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