when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
