Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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