I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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