he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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