you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hippo gnu deer
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
