i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
