Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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