is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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