My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
