Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
