Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize