wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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