mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
