I wish I could punch you in the face.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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