Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
