Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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