all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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