Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
