I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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