So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
