Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
