You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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