i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
