Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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