Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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