i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
