Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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