what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize