# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
