Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
