She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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