dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize