big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
