Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
