I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
