and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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