my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
