Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
