I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
