Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
