He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
