I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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