I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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