i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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