She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
