I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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