i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
