This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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