Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
