yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We were destined to go to rehab together
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
