White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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