so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
