WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
