Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
